Forgetting Details.

I hate this about myself, I really do. I forget details. I mean, everyone forgets some things, where the keys are, what they ate three days ago, but I forget things i want to remember. 

I want to remember what kissing her felt like but I forgot.

I want to remember what her hand felt like in mine, but I forgot.

I only remember the smell of her because it's on my jacket, and even now that fades.

These things I want to remember so badly, to relive them, but I simply cant. The light, the wind, the chill, her arms, the ground, her breath...details.

How do we so easily forget? What does it mean, to forget? Was it not worth remembering? Or perhaps the experience was far too brief to commit to memory. Now I have only what I want to remember it as. I wonder if she remembers; if she wants to, does she cherish it? Who would cherish ever kissing me? The idea is almost...laughable. 

Fate conspires to keep people apart, while the balance is kept by those who fall together so perfectly. People who want to be together can't be together, for some reason or another. Distance is usually the problem but not all distances are measured in miles. Now I'll probably never see her again, and if I do...well, I'll hurt inside, and I don't know how she'll feel. I could, if I wanted, see her in secret...but that path only holds trouble, more trouble than I've known. I have only time now, hopefully the future will bring us together...and if not, I'll deal with it. I just want to hold her again. How sad is that?

Hate is a useless emotion to visit on others...but it's perfect to slap on yourself. 

A little late for a White Christmas.

So, well done Weather Man, you got it right! All yesterday it snowed like a mo-fo, and now as I look out yonder window, I can see the world smothered in a good three inches of the cold white stuff.

Don't get me wrong, It's nice and all; it's scenic, it's different, it makes me nostalgic like nothing else, but given that I have to trudge through it to get to work today, I'm not exactly over the moon about it.

I did go out in it last night with the lads. Tell you what, walking a couple of miles in thick snow is hard work. It was funny though, because even though at half eight it would usually be pitch black out, but the snow on the ground reflected light, as is it's want, and behold, we could see!

The rest of the country's probably gonna break down over the "worst snow on record" (My arse...) but I care not. Snow is fun.

Having some pig in the fridge.

So, I just wolfed down, and really enjoyed a bacon sammich. The meat was cooked just right, the combination of relish and Tabasco went down a treat and who doesn't love a toasted bagel?

Then it hit me, how, for the love of god how, can people not see the benefits of eating bacon?
Ignoring religious bull-crap, bacon is just amazing. As a meat, pork has more protein than beef and less fat than beef or chicken. People think it gives you worms but it never will if you cook it right.

Pigs themselves are incredible animals. They're intelligent (pet pigs have been known to save their owners from fires, leading one person out of her house through the smoke!) clean, and to be honest, piglets are cute. They're only 'dirty' because the farmers let them wallow in mud (which their piggy-ancestors did naturally) and don't bother to clean out the shit.

While obviously some people will miss out because they don't eat meat (which is their choice), to deny oneself of such a pleasure for any other reason is just...madness. Bacon saves lives people!

Anyway, my sammich was amazing, and I'm going to enjoy many more I'm sure. Long live, and grill, the bacon!

Lesson the First.

First blog, first load of useless tripe that supposed to help, since apparently writing is cathartic and does that whole "getting it off your chest" thing.
Personally I call it a load of shit.

So, Tuesday was my birthday, I got older. Now I actually feel old, not just a single digit up. Didn't make a big fuss of it, I never got the whole "Wow, I got older, lets go get smashed" concept.

To be honest, it was a shit year anyway. Mom dies before I hit 21 and that's a wrap on the rest of the year. Didn't stick around at the hospital, oh no! Gotta get to rehersal, do a show, anything to not deal with it. Then I had to deal with it. The house never felt so damn empty, I just expect her to walk through the door like always, shopping bags and work uniform, like I took for granted all my life.

I remember walking out of the hospital and looking at all the other patients thinking "They all deserve to die."
Wondered forever if that makes me a bad person, then figured I didn't actually care if it did.
Gotta be honest though, everyone was so damn understanding about the whole thing. The KAOS lot, my friends, people I'd never met...all of them so caring and understanding and sorry. Sorry for what I'm not sure. My loss, I would guess.
So Uni went to hell right after that, so I'm retaking my final year. Even my group-project pals from last year were supportive. Picked up my slack. Named a cat after me. Crazy people, crazy times.

So, recently fucked up big time, and I can't even go into details on my own blog, since Big brother is prob's watching me or scanning for keywords and putting fuel in the Party Van. Internet censorship can eat shit and die, the system already has us ball-gagged and our collective love-nuts in a jar under the sink.
Suffice to say, timing was less than ideal, and even though I'll wait as long as it takes...I don't know if the second party will even talk to me. Heartbroken.

This catharsis crap isn't working, but I'm gonna keep blogging, because apparently that's what normal people do, they blog and pretend it has some relevance or that someone out there cares enough to read it. Like people don't have enough problems in their lives to subscribe to my own brand of nonsense. I did always want a blog though. Should be fun.